Our visit to Israels grave

Our visit to Israels grave

Today marks one week since we gathered to say goodbye to Grayson. After dropping Ethan off at daycare we visited the cemetery. The blue mortuary tent was still up. Sadly, Grayson was joined by two other baby boys. They too had been laid to rest since last Tuesday.  Their graves were fresh, flowers still intact. I remember Barry (the mortician) saying that they had NINE BABIES the week that Grayson was born.

I held back the tears at his grave. I whispered, “Hey, Sweet boy”. There was a peaceful stillness there today. Chris and I stood at the foot of the grave without any exchange of dialogue. We did not need words at that moment; just each other…and Grayson if it were possible.

We looked at some of the headstones and later discussed the style that we wanted to have for him. I visited David’s grave and propped up his flower which had been toppled over by the wind.  We never met but he was a fighter. His mother, Tamara and I became acquainted thru the pregnancy & infant loss support group that I co-facilitate.

We drove away and my eyes stayed affixed to the floral spray that covered our son’s tiny 6 pound 4oz body.  As we proceeded toward home, I allowed myself to cry and to feel the weight of emptiness.

I stayed up until 1am browsing headstones online. I should have been up nursing a 3 day old baby…at least that’s what my body thinks as evidenced by leaking breasts!