Arrangements and an array of thoughts...

Its been a hard few days & I feel like the worst days are still to come. Chris & I have purposefully kept ourselves busy with tasks so that we can evade the reality for as long as possible. I wrote the obituary for the newspaper & ensured that it would make tomorrows paper. I created the program to distribute at the graveside service.  Chris & I comfirmed participants for the program. We took clothes to the mortuary.

Tomorrow we will see our precious Israel Grayson for the last time. We will have a graveside service on Tuesday @ 2pm . I just don’t know how many more goodbyes our hearts can take. My prayer tonight was simple, "Dear God, Please do not give us any more gifts in the form of children that we cannot keep...love Chris & Tanika!  Amen"

I just can’t wrap my mind around all of this. HOW much exactly can we take to show the world that despite everything, we still trust God? Was losing 3 daughters not enough??? I'm rambling but these are the thoughts weighing on my mind tonight. I don’t want to be strong; We want to be an active, loving parents to Israel Grayson just like we are to Ethan....even if we have to be weak!

In spite of all of the darkness, our precious Ethan forces us to live and to face life.  Something about his smile and those deep brown eyes demand that we move beyond ourselves and give him the love and attention that he still needs and deserves.  When I carried him, I prayed that his life would be a source of encouragement & that his mere existence would compel people to believe & trust God again. I never knew that he would be the prescribed medicine in the form of encouragement for Chris & I.  He truly is the LIGHT in our lives. We’ve held him longer, squeezed him tighter, and said “I love you” more in these last few days. We really are so incredibly blessed to have him.