Building a Family Breaks My Heart: TV interview

Author Tanika Dillard discusses Building A Family Breaks My Heart.

http://www.carolinascw.com/story/26715433/building-a-family-breaks-my-heart-author#.VDNQfftaLAt.facebook

Building A Family Breaks My Heart in the spotlight

Building a Family Breaks My Heart was recently featured in the Indie eblast blog. Please check it out!
http://indieeblasts.blogspot.com/2015/01/a-novel-by-tanika-dillard.html?m=1

Building A Family Breaks My Heart Coming August 2014

Tweedy Poole's Publications & Consulting Presents "BUILDING A FAMILY BREAKS MY HEART," by Tanika Chancellor Dillard. Make sure you get your Pre-ordered autographed copy.   Preorder your copy HERE

Be the first to experience the lives of Chris & Tanika's journey through life, loss and love like you've never seen before. Reading this book will cause you to laugh and cry; to be optimistic for the future while being haunted by the past.  Building A Family Breaks My Heart is just not "my" story, it's "our" story. It's for every mother and father who loves a child that they can't touch. It's for everyone who mourned the loss of an anticipated pregnancy and child.  It's for marriages that are not sure how to recover after heartbreak and for those who need hope to counter their despair.

I'm excited to share this book and our children with the world. So many stories go untold and parents silently grieve the child that they've longed for, but this one will change your life!!!

Pre-order your copy today.

Hip Hip Horray, I'm 2 years old today

I cannot believe that I'm writing this already! My precious baby boy is 2 years old as of 5:47 am. Chris and I quietly entered his room and stood over his bed whispering/singing " Happy Birthday".  We had to thank God for blessing us with SUCH a beautiful son who has given us nothing but pleasure.

Happy Birthday Ethan! We love you to the moon & back !

Goodbye age 1, its been fun!

Look out age 2, here I come!

Headstone has arrived

Grayson’s headstone arrived on Friday and will be placed on his grave today.  Its bittersweet….I’m glad that his grave will now be marked  & we have something to honor his short life.   

3 months...

Three months ago today, I met Death (again). I met Pain (again).I held Israel Grayson for the first time. I remember being prepped for the c-section. I remember the deep, hollowness of my cry of despair. I remember watching the clock tick towards 4:00pm, the time of my c-section. I released so many tears that day.  I left like I was going to the execution chamber and in many ways I was.

 My grief is not as raw as it was 3 months ago. However, I am not the same person that I was. ANOTHER piece of me has died and I am forever changed.

 Happy 3 months birthday Israel Grayson.  Love you…miss you…and long to hold you again!

Grayson's footprints

Lock of Grayson's hair

Bracelets

If it be possible….

 

If it be possible….

I don’t want to sound like a whiner or host a pity party but I am reminded of William Shakespeares words, “To thine own self be true”. The truth is… My heart is filled with thanksgiving AND sadness. I have just felt so very emotional since Thursday. Maybe finalizing the grave marker was the trigger.

On Saturday, I purchased a frame for Grayson’s picture. Since December, the photo album has been beside my bed and opened to our favorite black/white picture of him. I added the picture to the frame & showed it to Chris for approval. He loved it and wanted it to stay in our living room, which was fine with me. I placed the frame on the coffee table beside Chris’ recliner and my “spot” on the couch. I’m glad that Chris suggested that we keep it in the living room. We conversed about Grayson and wondered what he was doing in that very moment. I wonder what heaven will be like. Will Grayson be a baby when we meet him in heaven? Will he know that we are his parents and that we love him deeply? Was he immediately united with his sisters? There are just so many questions that we cannot answer now.

On Sunday, Ethan climbed into his Daddy’s recliner, grabbed the picture frame and kept repeating “Bruh, Bruh” and “Bebe”. I just held back the tears and watched. I let my mind escape the reality and just for a moment, thought of life with 2 boys in our home. Ahhh….

I struggled to stay focused at work today. I could feel myself on the brink of an emotional mishap. I kept looking at Ethan’s picture on my desk and reminded myself of the many reasons to be thankful for the blessing that Ethan is to us and to all that know him.


Luke 22:42 New Living Translation (©2007)


"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."