If it be possible….
I don’t want to sound like a whiner or host a pity party but I am reminded of William Shakespeares words, “To thine own self be true”. The truth is… My heart is filled with thanksgiving AND sadness. I have just felt so very emotional since Thursday. Maybe finalizing the grave marker was the trigger.
On Saturday, I purchased a frame for Grayson’s picture. Since December, the photo album has been beside my bed and opened to our favorite black/white picture of him. I added the picture to the frame & showed it to Chris for approval. He loved it and wanted it to stay in our living room, which was fine with me. I placed the frame on the coffee table beside Chris’ recliner and my “spot” on the couch. I’m glad that Chris suggested that we keep it in the living room. We conversed about Grayson and wondered what he was doing in that very moment. I wonder what heaven will be like. Will Grayson be a baby when we meet him in heaven? Will he know that we are his parents and that we love him deeply? Was he immediately united with his sisters? There are just so many questions that we cannot answer now.
On Sunday, Ethan climbed into his Daddy’s recliner, grabbed the picture frame and kept repeating “Bruh, Bruh” and “Bebe”. I just held back the tears and watched. I let my mind escape the reality and just for a moment, thought of life with 2 boys in our home. Ahhh….
I struggled to stay focused at work today. I could feel myself on the brink of an emotional mishap. I kept looking at Ethan’s picture on my desk and reminded myself of the many reasons to be thankful for the blessing that Ethan is to us and to all that know him.
Luke 22:42 New Living Translation (©2007)
"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."
I don’t want to sound like a whiner or host a pity party but I am reminded of William Shakespeares words, “To thine own self be true”. The truth is… My heart is filled with thanksgiving AND sadness. I have just felt so very emotional since Thursday. Maybe finalizing the grave marker was the trigger.
On Saturday, I purchased a frame for Grayson’s picture. Since December, the photo album has been beside my bed and opened to our favorite black/white picture of him. I added the picture to the frame & showed it to Chris for approval. He loved it and wanted it to stay in our living room, which was fine with me. I placed the frame on the coffee table beside Chris’ recliner and my “spot” on the couch. I’m glad that Chris suggested that we keep it in the living room. We conversed about Grayson and wondered what he was doing in that very moment. I wonder what heaven will be like. Will Grayson be a baby when we meet him in heaven? Will he know that we are his parents and that we love him deeply? Was he immediately united with his sisters? There are just so many questions that we cannot answer now.
On Sunday, Ethan climbed into his Daddy’s recliner, grabbed the picture frame and kept repeating “Bruh, Bruh” and “Bebe”. I just held back the tears and watched. I let my mind escape the reality and just for a moment, thought of life with 2 boys in our home. Ahhh….
I struggled to stay focused at work today. I could feel myself on the brink of an emotional mishap. I kept looking at Ethan’s picture on my desk and reminded myself of the many reasons to be thankful for the blessing that Ethan is to us and to all that know him.
Luke 22:42 New Living Translation (©2007)
"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."
Hugs, dear one. Many hugs...
ReplyDeleteI read the first line of this post in utter shock... Pity party?! Uh? What?! Not even close! Not EVEN CLOSE. If that thought enters your mind again. Know that I think you are strong, beautiful, one of the most gracious woman I've encountered. You are more than entitled to feel how you feel when you feel it and we are lucky to witness your love, grace and strength as you do.
ReplyDeleteBr gracious with yourself!
Love, D