Floodgates!

The floodgates have opened WIDE! I have been searching online for the PERFECT headstone for Grayson for some time now. I finally found one but it only came in black marble which cannot be placed at the cemetery. Here is a copy of the Grave marker. I love the image of Jesus with the 4 children. Its the perfect representation of our heavenly family. It looks like Jesus is holding a baby boy and 3 older children ( girls perhaps) are looking on.  That is JUST as I imagine our children.

 I called a local shop to get a quote & the guy asked me to stop by to see his work since he doesn’t have a website. I decided to go on my lunch today. The owner greeted me at the door, shook my hand & invited me in. He was so very kind. We reviewed the catalog & obtained quotes as I held back tears. I told him that I'd review this with Chris and hopefully we'd be ready to order in a few days as I was ready since I've exhausted efforts of finding something online and too much time has passed since December & I want Grayson to have a stone soon. Then he asked, " Was your baby stillborn"? GATES OPENED swiftly.... I explained our story (the short version) and that Grayson is the 4th child that we've lost but the 1st that we've buried, thus the marker had to be perfect. His phone rang & I quickly thanked him and made my way to the car to have a good cry. I'm just sad at the reality of all of this. These should be the happiest days of our life’s but today is not one of those days. We do have so very much to be thankful for but our gratitude & our pain are balanced on the scale.

Chris and I were able to narrow our choices down to two tonight. Hopefully, we'll decide on a final by Sunday and order on Monday. I'm anxious for my boy to have a marker on his grave. The marker will be placed as soon as 30-45 after ordering. The graphics are nice but none of them have 4 children, which is okay. There is one with Jesus holding a boy & looking at him and an older girl stands beside them.

 

My head hurts from crying so much! I just want to turn my mind off and sleep.

 My 13year old nephew, Dezmond amazes me. I have loved him since the day that my sister announced that she was pregnant with him. He is wise beyond his years. He called me tonight just to check on me. He said that he wanted to start calling his family ( me, Chris, his Dad, my Mom, & his brother) everyday “ just to make sure that everybody is okay”……OKAY>>>>he’s ONLY 13! I was in the grocery store and the tears were flowing again. He’s a special young man.  I know that God has given him a heart for people. He is well on his way to being a great man, husband, father, leader, and anything else that he wants to be. He makes me proud but more importantly, I’m sure that he makes God smile!