The Graveside Service

The Graveside Service

 NO parent should ever know how it feels to say a goodbye forever to a child. I can honestly say, Tuesday was one of the hardest days of our lives.

 We kept Ethan home from daycare so that he could attend the service. As much as I tried to get things done, I just could not manage to concentrate on anything!  Ethan still had to bed fed, dressed, played with and loved on.  I found myself “holding it together” for the sake of normalcy for him.  That was until I fed him lunch. I attempted to say the blessing with him and the levees that had been restraining my emotions gave way. 

 Ethan & Chris took a nap and I raced against the clock to iron our clothes & pickup things around the house. My aunt in CT called just to say, “ I love you” and the sincerity of her voice touched my soul. I wanted to say more to her but I couldn’t articulate a word. Seemingly, saying I love you in that moment was all that needed to be said.

 We drove ourselves to the cemetery. Chris and I shared our thoughts & feelings about the task that was before us. Simply put, we were sad!  As we drove up, we could see that a crowd had already gathered. We arrived about30 minutes early & I was surprised to see people there already.  We parked & opted to just wait in the car in hopes that we would avoid conversation before the service. NO such luck….We heard about job interviews and introductions to fiancées…. I didn’t want to be rude but I wanted to yell…..”Excuse me, we are here to bury our son….can we discuss YOUR LIFE LATER…much later”!

Thankfully, some men from our church gathered around Chris and my spiritual Godmother came to me. Thank God for people who just know how to be a powerful, quiet presence. I kept my head down, face covered & eyes closed as I sat in the car. As I lifted my head, I could see the hearse moving slowly toward us. My heart raced out of my chest. Barry, the mortician, exited the car and withdrew the tiny casket that Chris closed at the mortuary on Sunday. Our precious baby boy had arrived!

 With a mortician to my left and Chris on my right, we walked under the tent and were seated for the service. I scanned the crowd and immediately felt overwhelming love by the number of people who were in attendance and equally overwhelmed with sorrow. I closed my eyes tightly, gripped my Daddy’s hand and Chris’ leg. I heard everything that was going on but just listened in the background. I needed to sing  "our song" to Israel one last time….

 Love always sees you

Even when you’re not looking
And Oh love comes thru when faith needs healing
Love always knows truth even when you struggle
And I will never miss a moment and it makes us one forever!

 The service was brief, just like Israel’s life, but it was beautiful.  We were greeted with so many warm hugs, tears, thoughtful words and compassionate hearts.

 We lingered at the cemetery. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the tiny casket & vault that held the remains of my sweet baby! I wanted to ask Barry if he’d open the casket once more. Maybe I could just kiss him one more time or rub his soft hair…. Deep down, I knew the answer but I longed for more. 

 I took a few pictures of the casket and the Christmas ornament that my nephew & nieces made for Israel.  Barry then advised us to leave because he didn’t want us to see the actual burial. He said that it would be the last memory that we had of him& it would be painful…we took his advise and made the drive home.

This poem was on the back of the obituary. My friend Ann found it online…..I think its perfect!

Precious Little One

I'm just a precious little one

who didn’t make it there.

I went straight to be with Jesus,

but I’m waiting for you here.

Many dwelling here where I live,

waited years to enter in,

Struggled through a world of sorrow,

a world marred with pain and sin.

Thank you for the life you gave me,

it was brief but don’t complain.

I have all Heaven's Glory,

Suffered none of earth's great pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me.

I’d have loved to bring it fame.

But if I'd lingered in earth's shadows,

I would have suffered just the same.

So sweet family, don’t you sorrow.

Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.

I went straight to Jesus' arms

from my loving Mother's womb.

Author Unknown