RETRACTION!

RETRACTION!

   I have very vivid memories of my childhood and spending many wonderful days with my maternal Grandma ( Alma) She was the mother of TWELEVE…yes, 12 children (7 boys and 5 girls- no multiple births).  She and my Grandfather were married for nearly 50 years before he passed away.  He had been dead for 2 years when I was born. Although we never met, I knew that Grandma loved him even after death had parted them.  She never dated or remarried after his death because they promised each other that they wouldn’t and Grandma never even had a desire to do so. Her life was rich and filled with the love of her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, and great- great grandchildren.

I often said, “ I want to be just like Grandma”!  I just admired her strength and her capacity to love and be loved. EVERYONE loved her. Grandma was the royal thread that held the fabric of our family together.  She was rare jewel, priceless and full of wisdom.  She loved God and His Word and had a prophetic gift that even she could not explain. I have never loved another woman more than Grandma. She was my teacher, my protector, counselor, spiritual example and the list goes ON!

I wanted my life to emulate her light.  In saying that I wanted to be just like her, little did I know that I was also welcoming the pain that she experienced.  Grandma gave birth to 12 children but by the time that I was born, she had buried three sons. My Uncles J. Harold & Odessa died as young adults. Her son Jesse was bitten by a snake and died when he was 2-3 months old.  

 

She buried three children and a husband. She lived the last 23 years of her life with only memories of the one that she loved (my Granddaddy). She frequented the graveyard at our family church on Father’s Day, Christmas, and each of their birthdays.  A few days before she slipped into a deep sleep she called for Jesus…” Come on in Jesus…..Hear me, Jesus” as her eyes were looking up at the ceiling and then at the door.  My curiosity got the best of me and I had to know what she saw.

 “ Grandma, do you see Jesus?”

“ Yes”

 “ What does He look like?” I asked

“ He looks like Jesus” she replied. :0)

 She also told me that my Granddaddy was coming down the hill for her. As she lay on her death bed & paralyzed on one side, she would lift up her only usable hand and softly call for my Granddaddy, “Jimmy”.

 Over the weekend, my words hit me like a ton of bricks.  Words really do have power! I realized that my Grandma had experienced the sting of loss just as I have.  I had to retract my “ I want to be just like Grandma” statement.    While I will always love, respect and admire her, I don’t want to be JUST like her although we already have a great deal in common. I want to navigate my own course and build my own legacy.