Be careful what you say!

I need to have a little venting session. Continue reading if you’d like to join my sarcasim & I for a chat.

So, I’m leaving work today and Just as I pack all of my things up, a stranger walks into my office. “ YOU are the one that leaves handprints on the desk”. I laughed and realized that it was the cleaning lady that usually comes in after hours. I explained that I’m guilty…lotion & I have a thing going on. Thanks to this wonderful pregnancy, I make about 15 trips to the bathroom each day and the bathroom soap dries my hands out. I have to keep ‘em moisturized. ( as evidenced by the handprints on my desk)

We introduced ourselves and she asked me, “ How far along are you”?

“ 7 months” I replied.

“ You don’t look that big. Is this your 1st baby"?
( NOTE: don’t ask questions that you may not want to know the answers to)

“ No ma’am, he’s actually our 4th. I’ve lost 3 daughters but he will be the 1st that we bring home”.

“ Oh no, don’t tell me that” Ms. H says


“ Yes Ma’am, I have an incompetent cervix which causes me to go into premature labor. My girls were perfectly fine, just born to early to sustain life”

( in her deep, spiritual voice)

“ Well, you know sometimes we want something so bad but it is not God timing. And if its not God timing it just won’t happen. You know that was GOD’S WILL, it just wasn’t time for those girls to be born….but THIS one will be just fine” She said that she had chills ( that means she was feeling the “ SPIRIT” ) and proceeded to do the hokey pokey and turn herself around in my office.

I HAD to stop her.

Respectfully, I had to let her know that

1. my husband & I are believers & he’s a minister of the Gospel. Our losses were not because we had a lack of faith or prayer.

2. I have in the past used terms like, “ it was God’s will” or “ it was on God’s timing” in an effort to encourage or “ make sense” out of tragedy or disappointment. However, living such a dreadfully horrific experience THREE times made me question EVERYTHING about GOD AND His will and certainly made me very skeptical about using those words EVER again.

I mean, I have known of God ALL my life and have been in relationship with Him since I was a pre-teen. So, how is it that someone who has known me all of 5 minutes effective in telling me that it was GODS WILL for my imperfect body to evict three perfect yet premature daughters on 3 separate occasions? How could she imply that I wanted the pregnancies so bad but it wasn’t God’s timing, so He “took” them???? (is God an Indian giver) Really?


I explained that my cervical issues were my issue. She asked ,” well, why is this one < Ethan> okay? I explained that I had a surgery to place a band around my cervix to prevent a repeat of my prior experiences. I believe some things really are medical, while others are spiritual. It frustrates me trying to figure out which is which.

3. Sometimes children of God suffer although we don’t fully understand the reason or intent. However, I assured Ms. H that our suffering via the losses of Destiny, Briauna, & Madison have been the greatest ministry tool ever. So, despite all the unknowns, God is still glorified. Mrs. H proceeded to do the hokey pokey and turn herself around in my office again & explained how Job suffered & how his wife wanted him to curse God.

SMH…I was just DONE. I simply needed someone to put a fork in me.

I thanked Ms. H for cleaning our offices and told her to have a good weekend.

She touched my stomach ( ??%*@^$@) and said ” this one is blessed” ( AS IF THE GIRLS WERE CURSED???) and , “ Nice meeting you DENISE”….LOL, no need to remind her that my name is Tanika. BLESS HER HEART!


I am not receptive to anyone who tries to rationalize, spiritualize, and/or explain our losses or the success of our current pregnancy. Hell, even I don’t know!!! But I am okay with NOT knowing the WHY’s and understanding that it is all working out for my good and for HIS glory.

People please, be careful what you say!