Times.....

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going directly to Heaven, we were all going the other way." – Charles Dickens


Have you ever felt like this…. Everything is great and awful at the same time? Today is really one of those days with no extreme highs and no frigid lows , just questionable mediums. My mind has been in overdrive today and I can’t quite seem to down shift. My thoughts have not been about our daughters but mostly about life and people in it.

This weekend has been exceptionally wonderful for me. I have spent time with people that I love the most, my family! Man, we have had such fun! I felt at such peace being in a room with generations of wise people who I knew genuinely loved each other, had no motives, intentions, or ill will toward the other. We shared good food, meaningful embraces, unforgettable laughter, and time that passed all too fast. It was the best of times.

In the midst of the “highs” , the “lows” invade my space like the dark, howling winds of a hurricane. I am compelled to process these thoughts in my head, less I let them overtake me. I grieve the hollowness of meaningless chatter and actions laced with motives arrayed in the wardrobe of comradery. I grieve for words misspoken or never spoken at all. I applaud the few who seek the light of truth. I grieve for those who feel safe in darkness of lies. It was the worst of times.

Lord, You are an infinite God without end or beginning. Not only are you aware of all I have ever been or experienced, you are aware of all there is to come. In fact, You have already been there and know me…know all I have experienced from moment to moment. You have experienced my life in an intimate way even to the numbering of the hairs on my head. Every detail of my life is important and valuable to You. Though I am constrained in my thinking as it relates to time, You are not. The greatest hindrance to not living a life outside the constraints of time is to see it limited and unyielding…to see time as having no potential outside of the moment. To do so eliminates all consequences and blessings resulting out of time based actions on my part. Time is eternal and I must see it as such. What I do in time affects the times to come; therefore, it has eternal consequences both good and bad.

Teach me to see beyond the moment into a realm where there is no time so I can put more value on what I do at any given time. Teach me to see everything I do with eternal eyes. As I do this, what I participate in or don’t participate in will change in order to bring about the most effective change.

Can you join me?

Please say a prayer for my 22 year old cousin and her new son.. K was at work earlier last week when her water broke. There were no signs that anything was wrong prior to this . It appears that she also has an incompetent cervix and has suffered a previous loss last year. She gave birth to her son on 9/5 at 29 weeks. He was born weighing 2 pounds. He is doing well but will remain in NICU until his due date of November 15 . He was placed on the ventilator and under the light for jaundice. Thankfully, all of his organs are functioning and he’s already proven to be a fighter as his ventilator was removed yesterday. K was able to hold him for the 1st time and give him breast milk that she pumped. Please join me in praying for continued health and growth for Baby T. Life at any age is amazing!

Thank you for your prayers~

Don’t waste pain

Today has been a great day and my mind has been running with thoughts. One of my friends said to me , “ I’m so impressed with your perseverant spirit! Please tell me how you do it?” This really caused me to think and reflect the highs and lows of my life.
I really thought, HOW have I endured this?…WHY do I manage to keep at it? , WHY not give up? A great theologian said, “ Don’t waste pain”! ( Okay, so this is what my husband said during his sermon last year…I can call him a great theologian if I want too :0) lol) But really, I made the decision NOT to waste the pain that I’ve been through. It would be sooo incredibly easy to let my past pain be the defining moments of my life. However, I don’t want to be known for my pain. Do you know people like that? You always hear the negative…the gossip about people. “ That’s XYZ, the one that got divorced”….”that’s ABC’s daughter, the one that committed suicide”, or “That’s Tanika, the one who lost three babies. “

So, why have I persevered? Because, I am so much more than the pain I have endured. Pain has a purpose…it’s JUST the transportation method to get me to the next phase in my life. My pain cannot be the final verdict and description of me. I’m going to fully develop the pain. Pain is like developing a picture in a dark room where there is a absence of light. Think about it. What if you never saw the finished product of your wedding photos? What if they were stopped in ”process” and you only saw the black, wet paper. That is the only memory that you’d have of your wedding to pass along for generations. This is exactly how I could be if I let me pain define me. I could stay here and become emotionally bitter and negative but I am not accustomed to darkness! I have to know that this is just a snapshot in time and not the end. This is process! When pain is fully developed, something of value comes from it. So, stay tuned, don’t define me by my moment of darkness, and keep watching for the final picture. ;0)

LET the countdown begin!!!!!

I have a confirmed surgery date for my Trans abdominal cerclage (TAC). The surgery date is September 24th at 1:30.

28 days to go!!!!

I am so excited!

Prized possessions

I have so many pics of thing that are priceless to us. Here are two items that we'll always hold dear to our hearts! (more to come)

Clay Molds of Destiny & Briauna ( look at the detail) These are PRICELESS. I love them and our dear friends B&A who gave them to us.

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This is the “homemade” card that I posted about earlier. It's STRAIGHT from the heart. We will always treasure this.

Thanks S’s, R’s,& S’s

WHEN????

So, just as I was ready to put Dr. H’s scheduler, Justin on the chopping block for not calling me back…I get an email from him tonight at 8pm. He’s been out of the office unexpectedly for 2 days…thus, no call! Okay, I will spare him until NOON tomorrow :0) ( ya see how patient I am, right)

So, when I know the details I will post again.

Back to work!!!!

The day has finally arrived! I am facing my fears and getting back to work. I had some thoughts today like, “ WHAT was I thinking”…” Am I really ready”, etc… Well, none of that matters because I will be at work tomorrow and there is no turning back now. I will make it a good day. I am thankful that I never have to do anything alone or in my own strength.

God, thank you for going before me and for enabling me to face the challenges of tomorrow.