January 2010

It’s a NEW DAY!!!!!!

I don’t know when I’ve been this happy to see a new year. Not only is 2010 representative of a new day, but also of new beginnings as we had prayed for in December. Chris and I were shocked to see this

on January 4th! Well, actually I took 4 tests ( all with very faint lines) before confirming it with these final two on Jan7th. So, I really did get my Christmas wish AND my birthday wish, since my due date is 9.12, which is 2 days before my birthday. THANK YOU GOD!!!! We didn’t wait to share the news!!!!

December….

I really wanted to bypass the Christmas season all together and go straight into the new year. There were so many milestones in December. I knew that this would be an emotional month and I just didn’t want to deal with it!!!

• Milestone 1: Destiny’s 2nd angel Birthday on December19 th

• Milestone 2: Madison’s due date on December 22nd

• Milestone 2: Briauna’s due date on December 28th

Now do you see why I wanted to jump into January???? I had already prepared myself to get the sackcloth and ashes and to basically be miserable for 31 days. I had anticipatory depression & panic attacks. Thankfully, the Lord spoke to me at work and reminded me that I had control over my emotions and that I could command the day with good thoughts. Hummm, “how so”, I wondered. I counted the number of days between Milestone 1 &milestone 3.I decided that we’d have a theme for each day. The theme would be our prayer focus & there would be a coordinating scripture to go along with it. On the milestone day, we’d recognize each daughter by making a card or writing a letter to her. So, here is our plan to help us thru the milestones…

10 Days of Remembrance & Prayer


Day 1

Saturday, December 19th        Destiny & Faith         Hebrews 11:6



Day 2

Sunday, December 20th                  Healing                 Exodus 15:26



Day 3

Monday, December 21st                 Joy                   Nehemiah 8:9-12



Day 4

Tuesday, December 22nd              Madison & Hope              1 Tim 4:8-11



Day 5

Wednesday, December 23rd              Friends                      John 15:15



Day 6

Thursday, December 24th                   Family



Day 7

Friday, December 25th                        Jesus Christ               Isaiah 9



Day 8

Saturday, December 26th                    New Beginnings            Isaiah 43:19



Day 9

Sunday, December 27th                      Thanksgiving              1 Chronicles 16:8



Day 10

Monday, December 28th               Briauna & Love              1 Corinthians 13


Thankfully, this plan worked for us. We were able to get our minds off of the grief & pain & be reminded of God’s word and His promises to us. We definitely have a new tradition. The best part about this was making our cards for the girls. Chris & I each made a card for each girl, shared our thoughts with each other, and put the card in the Christmas stocking. We plan to make new cards each year. I’ll have to admit that this was the1st Christmas since 2007 that I really had peace, hope, & joy.

Our Christmas lists were minute compared to years past. Because of the experience that we had at Thanksgiving, we realized that it was so much more important to give than for us to receive. A few weeks before Christmas, Chris asked what I wanted for Christmas…I said, “ A baby”,,,, We both just laughed. Then he asked, “ what do you want for your birthday?” I said, “ A baby”,,,, and laughed again because my birthday is in SEPTEMBER!!!! I didn’t know that he would need such a head start on the birthday gift.

November….

Marks the beginning of the favorite season of my life. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always loved Thanksgiving. There’s something powerfully exciting to me about family gatherings. Not solely because we share a great meal together, but also the great laughs and the spirit of thanksgiving and togetherness! Thanksgiving of 2009 is of that I will never forget. For the 1st time, my husband and I spent early hours of the day feeding the homeless. Without question, it WAS the BEST thanksgiving ever! The strings of my heart were pulled in so many directions. I was reminded of the things that we take for granted everyday. I was also moved with a repentant heart as I realized that I don’t thank God enough for the blessings that He’s given to us. The wonderful people that we helped were moved to tears because we provided a MEAL& that they wouldn’t spend the holiday alone. How often are we moved to tears by a simple meal? We think that eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner is an expected part of the day. Many of them are lucky to get ONE meal a day (and they don’t have a choice of what it is).
We concluded the day visiting my mother in law’s house and my mothers house for dinner. The tables were overflowing with food and we all ate until we were satisfied. There was a moment of unscripted silence at the dinner table. I think we all had become one with our food and conversation was secondary. The silence for me however, was much different. I simply glanced around the table and crowed room and my heart flooded with thanksgiving to God.

Long overdue!!! ( October update)

Has it really been SINCE OCTOBER that we were last together? Shame on me! I have tried to manage my time better so that I could blog but it really never happened.

So, let’s do some quick monthly updates!


The Walk to Remember Service in October was nothing short of PHENONOMINAL!~ Iam so thankful that my family ( Husband, Mom, sisters, nieces, & nephew) and some great friends ( Nicole, Tanya, Antrina, Sandy, Misty , Larry & Nancy) came for support. Obviously, some people really said prayers that I could make it thru what seemed to be a difficult task. My heart raced, my palms were sweaty, and my knees were shaking uncontrollably UNTIL I stood behind the podium. I can’t explain the magic that happened. All I know is that God stood with me, held me, and I spoke passionately and proudly about Destiny, Briauna, and Madison.



In October, Chris and I celebrated our THIRD wedding anniversary. Who knew that time would go by so fast. Seems like only yesterday that we were planning a wedding and I was a whole dress size smaller. We were not able to spend our anniversary together because I was traveling for work. ( not a smart idea, BTW) Anyone who knows me can testify that there’s nothing more important to me than loving my sweet husband. I STILL cry every time that I travel without him. Despite being apart on 10.21, our hearts and thoughts were ever connected. What an amazing journey of love, sharing amazing life together!

We remember~

We remember~


It's just a few minutes after 7:00 and all around the world angels are being remembered. I gaze deeply into these flames and think of the eternal flames that burn in the heart of so many mothers and fathers who grieve for their child(ren)


Each life is significant, no matter the age. By candlelight, I speak the names of those who are not forgotten. I speak the names of those who illuminate the heart and the heavens!


*Destiny Almaray


*Briauna Angel


*Madison Noelle


*Nicholas, Sophia, and Alexander


*Joshua, Sophie, Avarrie


*Jiana Contessa


*Mickel


*Jesse


*Trevor Nicholas


*Josiah Pedro


*Samuel John


*Yuri Isaiah


*Kalani Lynn


*Gabrielle Elise


* Abraham


*Alexander


*Collin


*Serenity


*Tatianyna



I remember those babies who and nameless and simply call them Angel!

To the angels of C&C, M&L, J&E, J&V, D&J, Y&R, J&K, S&S, S&A, L&S, T&D, C&R…

Shine on!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time for all of us to reflect on the many thousands of children in this country who are taken much too soon every year. It's also a time to honor the families who are left behind to forever love a child they never knew, or knew much too briefly. If a tragedy such as miscarriage, stillbirth, or SIDS has at any time altered the life of a family you know personally, let the month of October remind you to reach out to them. If you fear words will fail you, one simple way of saying you care is through a gift of something handmade and personalized.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is a day of remembrance for all pregnancies and infant death which includes but not limited to miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS, or the death of a newborn. It is recognized in the United States and throughout Canada on October 15th of each year.


Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is observed with Remembrance Ceremonies and candle lighting Vigils which coincides with an International Wave of Light with participants lighting candles on October 15 at 7:00 p.m. around the world to honor and remember our children.

Walk to Remember Memorial Service

Each year, GHS and St. Francis Hospitals observe a day to remember children who passed away due to miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss, etc. This year’s event will be held at GHS on Sunday, October 18, 2009. I would like to personally invite you to attend the 2009 Walk to Remember Memorial Service. Some of you may have experienced infant loss and you understand first hand that although time heals our hearts, time does not erase the memory of our children. Please join me in remembering our precious children on October 18th.

I will be one of the speakers for this event and would love to share this special day with you.

Please feel free to encourage others to attend. Please e-mail me for more info.
Thanks,
Tanika